Evidence Based Happiness

My daughter and I have a routine.  Everyday on the drive to school we talk through what her day is going to look like.  It goes something like this:

Mom-What kind of day are you going to have today, Lia?

Lia-An Amazing, Fantastic, Wonderful Day. (This is after months of practice. In the beginning the answer was, "I don't know."  Bzzz wrong answer.)

Mom-How are you going to feel when you walk into class today?

Lia-Strong and Smart.

Mom-What happens if there is a surprise quiz today?

Lia-I'll ace it.  'Cause I'm smart (did you hear that positive declaration?!)

Mom-What things do you see during your day?

Lia-I'll see people who are alone and ask them to play.

Mom-I like your day!  That sounds like an amazing, fantastic, wonderful day!

Now some people might say: "That is silly.  You can't just tell yourself your going to have a great day and then have one.  What if something bad happens?"

To that I say, of course you can plan your attitude.  We do it everyday.  The kind of day you will have is based on what you expect.

For example, look around the room you are in and find 3 red objects.  Now without looking, tell me what is blue in the room.  I know, that's not fair, I told you to look for red so you did.  You looked for what I told you to look for and ignored anything else.

And every day my daughter and I tell each other to look for the happy things, and every day we find them.

My amazing grandmother used to tell me that "Happiness is a Choice."  It took me years to discover the truth behind the simple saying.

For example, two people washing up dishes after dinner, with different attitudes, are having two entirely different experiences.  One is miserable and can't wait for the chore to be over so that they can be happy.  The other is already happy, and knows that they will be happy after they finish as well.

WE CHOOSE.

Attitude is not thrust upon us by some unknown force.  We are that force.  We choose the attitude.

So everyday that my daughter and I plan for a happy day, we find it.  It isn't perfect; bad things still happen.  But we find the good in each day.  Because it is there!  The evidence is all around us.  We simply EXPECT to see it.

I challenge you to try it.  Who knows?  Today may be an amazing, fantastic, wonderful day for you too.

Grandma's Footstool

My Grandma was an amazing woman who taught me many, many things. She came from a rural town in Utah and married a farm boy named Boyd who would one day become a Colonel in the Air Force.

Boyd and Janice White, one great looking couple

Together they traveled the world and raised 4 wonderful children.  Family was everything to my Grandma.  She organized family reunions, hosted cousin weeks, called, sent gifts for every holiday and truly spent time getting to know each one of her 18 grandchildren.

My sister and I were visiting one day when she was sick.  She had experienced a series of heart attacks and other problems and needed rest.  We loved to go visit and clean up her home a bit (not that it needed much), eat lunch with her and spend an hour or two talking.  It gave me great pleasure to serve her since she had spent her life serving and loving her family.  While we were there on one visit she was resting her feet on a beautiful footstool we had seen before.  She asked us if she had ever told us the story of the footstool.  

I'll let my sister Chris tell the story in the words she wrote after Grandma was gone.

"Grandma had a neighbor that had a small step stool.  She would carry it outside to do yard work and leave it out in the rain.  Grandma, having grown up poor, asked the woman one day why she took such a nice foot stool and used it for such dirty work.  The neighbor made some off hand comment about 'this old thing.'  She remarked that she didn't really think it was that great of a stool.

In typical Grandma fashion, she could see the beauty in something that others could not see. She boldly asked the neighbor is she could have the stool.  The neighbor gave the stool to her, still unable to see the beauty in it.  

Grandma sanded, stained, and hand stitched a new cover for that old stool.  It is now a beautiful piece of furniture in her home."

Grandma's Footstool

Chris continues: "How many of us grand kids became like that footstool?  I know that I thought no one but Grandma could see the beauty hidden beneath my dirty exterior.  During those summer weeks with grandma, I became that step stool.  She sanded me off where I was a little rough, put a new shine on me, and hand stitched my exterior in confidence and love.  Then she set me out before the world to shine. I knew that my parents loved me no matter what I was.  I knew my Grandma loved me because of what I was."

My sister Chris and I with our grandparents Janice and Boyd

Grandma's gift of unconditional love was priceless.  Additionally, she knew our potential and did all she could to help us achieve it.  What a gift this type of love is.  With our children, special needs or typical, they must feel unconditionally loved.  However, we must also help them see their potential because we see it. 

Grandma's stool now lives in my home for 12 months, then travels to my sister's home for 12 months.  This beautiful stool reminds us to show great love and acceptance to our own children, while also helping them achieve their potential.  All children need the type of love my Grandma could give.  I hope I have learned this lesson well enough to pass it on to my own children.